For those fathers who always play down their worries and fears.
我想你，爸。
Archives For reasons why my dad is cool
Paraphrasing this different…
小时候，爸爸说《睡不着的时候就看看天空找到最亮的那颗星星，魔法师就会送你一个美梦》。睡梦中，我知道魔法师带着爸爸回来了。
When I was little, dad used to say, “when you can’t sleep, just look to the sky. Find the brightest star, and the magician will grant you a beautiful dream.” In the dream, I know the magician will bring my father back.
Father’s day is coming up soon, and all the promotion has made it a difficult start of the month. This is the latest song to make me cry.
お父さんへ
元気ですか？
私は元気ですけどさびしいになった。でも、お父さんのためにエイミが幸せになりたい。約束する。
Everyone is freaking crying. Tears rolling down their eyes because BiBi is performing a Mavis Fan song called Cried (哭了), and BiBi keeps bringing it vocally despite some fierce competition from Luo Qi (罗琦, dubbed China’s First Rock Girl) and her performance of I Look Forward To (我期待) [clip], as well as GEM’s own interpretation of Mavis’ I Want Us to Be Together (我要我們在一起) [clip].
I obviously have a bias. G.E.M’s performance was pretty good but the song is a rocking one to start. She kept it to the good standard and gave it a spin. People were bawling with BiBi’s performance. Performance-wise, I’ll take G.E.M and vocally, it’s gotta be my gurl.
My dad would’ve approved.
A little bit more than ten years ago, Anita Mui passed away leaving a legacy of music and movies that will be remembered. Even my dad knew Anita Mui (besides from Jackie Chan movies), he told me he knew her from her singing the Song of Sunset (夕陽之歌) [1][2], which he loved both in this version and its Japanese original.
Ten years after her passing, her (very famous) friends got together to put something really special… a super performance to remember her by. Titled Anita Mui. 10. Longing. Music. Concert (梅艷芳。10。思念。音樂。會), the event garnered an array of Hong Kong (and overall Chinese) best — of the best for a night of music and memories.
Jacky Cheng, A-Mei, HOCC was there, Miriam Yeung, Sammi Cheng. Eric Tsang being melancholic, Jackie Chan throwing a joke… Eason Chan with his hair~ Maggie Cheung was freaking there, Aaron Kwok swung his hips, and Carina Lau introduced her hubby Tony Leung, and Tony SANG! People cheered. At a point in the concert, I told my mom “the only one missing here is Andy Lau.” Lo and behold, who turns up for one of the last numbers~
The only one I missed was Faye Wong. Just coz.
Anyway, my dad would’ve been happy with this show. I hope he and Anita are sharing a drink together up above.
BiBi, Papa would’ve been proud of that performance. It brought so many feelings.
BiBi’s participating in the Chinese version of the Korean contest I Am a Singer, now in its second season. Last time, Laure Shang was in it and was eliminated fairly early on.
Let’s hope BiBi makes it through.
It’s been nearly two months since my dad’s passing, and this Deserts Chang song came in my iPod’s playlist. Titled You Were Here with Me (我想你要走了) in English… it seems to be a contradiction with the literal translation. I know ‘wo xiang ni‘ means “I miss you” but wouldn’t the literal translation be “I want you to go“?
Loneliness is hovering over me
I watch clouds rising, rain falling
My mood is getting down
My mood is getting downPerhaps at the exit of Dream
Peace has embraced outpouring of emotions
In the blink of an eye it dawns on me
In the blink of an eye it dawns on meYou’re about to go
You’ve said it all
((Your) life story is finished.)
You’re about to go, you’ll be happyPerhaps at the exit of Dream
Peace has embraced outpouring of emotions
In the blink of an eye it dawns on me
You said you wanted a pillow that you could sleep to your heart’s content
credit: Semantic Nuance’s
It seems like a cruel joke that now the memory of my dad is forever linked to Dexter. It isn’t enough that the both of us watched the show, and that I was waiting for the final season to be completely subtitled so he could watch it.
Now, the final episode in which Dexter bids Harrison goodbye and Deb is able to let go is the moment my dad bids me goodbye and finally lets go. It’s almost scary that the Dexter FB page posted this message the day my dad passed away:
The post seems to be gone now, but when that showed up, I couldn’t help but express my incredulity. “I want you to remember that every single day until I see you again. Daddy loves you.” I will, dad. There won’t be a single day in which I don’t think of you and how much I miss you.
— Oct 26 2017 edit —
Next week, it’s crazy, will be the first month my dad has been gone. Though the shock of losing him seemed to block my mourning for him, as the days have gone by, it’s been harder and harder. Specially this past Sunday. It was my fourth Sunday without seeing him… and I don’t get along with #4s. Today I woke up thinking that maybe I could hear his ringing my intercom the way he did so I knew it was him downstairs.
Music has been my blessing and my curse. It often distracts me from wandering into sad territory, but it also reminds me of him. “He would like this,” “I saw this with him,” my mind often thinks. Trying to make sense, over-thinking about it, it seems destiny has been sending me signals throughout the year. First through a Chinese Horoscope scare, and other little bits and pieces of mementos.
Father and daughter movies, songs being played at key moments and words left as token of peacefulness. The day before my father passed away, when he was in good spirits and I was visiting him, he said he had led a good life and that if he had to go, he could go tranquil. I didn’t know then that I wasn’t going to be able to give him a mix of his favorite group [1] to accompany in his hospital stay.
After my uneasiness started that day, I looked up at the sky and told my dad that if he had to let go, he could. Fifteen minutes later, I was informed of his cardiac arrest. It wasn’t more than 20min in the trauma room, when I knew that he’d decided to let go.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CjPB3NpYsUw
Luck will have it that I didn’t get to watch Talaash until after my father passed.
I feel the need to over-share so I don’t wallow in self-pity.
For the past year, my dad had become a really big Mayday fan. I think this happened right after watching the concert film Mayday 3DNA, he used to show it to his friends and carry the film as well as their discography on his USB ALL THE FREAKING TIME. When I retrieved his USB, he had the discography on.
So… as a means to remember him, I made a short playlist with some of their songs.
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- 時光機 (Shi Guang Ji) – Time Machine
- 我們 (時時刻刻) (Wo Men (Shi Shi Ke Ke)) – Us/Moment by Moment
- 倔強 (Jue Jiang) – Stubborn
- 知足 (Zhi Zu) – Contentment
- 戀愛ING (Lian Ai-I-N-G) – Love-I-N-G
- 盛夏光年 (Sheng Xia Guang Nian) – Eternal Summer
- 擁抱 (Yong Bao) – Embrace
- 為愛而生 (Wei Ai Er Sheng) – Born to Love
- 離開地球表面 (Li Kai Di Qiu Biao Mian) – Leaving the Surface of the Earth
- 乾杯 (Gan Bei) – Cheers
