Archives For reasons why my dad is cool

It’s been nearly two months since my dad’s passing, and this Deserts Chang song came in my iPod’s playlist. Titled You Were Here with Me (我想你要走了) in English… it seems to be a contradiction with the literal translation. I know ‘wo xiang ni‘ means “I miss you” but wouldn’t the literal translation be “I want you to go“?

Loneliness is hovering over me
I watch clouds rising, rain falling
My mood is getting down
My mood is getting down

Perhaps at the exit of Dream
Peace has embraced outpouring of emotions
In the blink of an eye it dawns on me
In the blink of an eye it dawns on me

You’re about to go
You’ve said it all
((Your) life story is finished.)
You’re about to go, you’ll be happy

Perhaps at the exit of Dream
Peace has embraced outpouring of emotions
In the blink of an eye it dawns on me
You said you wanted a pillow that you could sleep to your heart’s content

credit: Semantic Nuance’s

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It seems like a cruel joke that now the memory of my dad is forever linked to Dexter. It isn’t enough that the both of us watched the show, and that I was waiting for the final season to be completely subtitled so he could watch it.

Now, the final episode in which Dexter bids Harrison goodbye and Deb is able to let go is the moment my dad bids me goodbye and finally lets go. It’s almost scary that the Dexter FB page posted this message the day my dad passed away:

dexter-daddy-loves-u

The post seems to be gone now, but when that showed up, I couldn’t help but express my incredulity. “I want you to remember that every single day until I see you again. Daddy loves you.” I will, dad. There won’t be a single day in which I don’t think of you and how much I miss you.

Next week, it’s crazy, will be the first month my dad has been gone. Though the shock of losing him seemed to block my mourning for him, as the days have gone by, it’s been harder and harder. Specially this past Sunday. It was my fourth Sunday without seeing him… and I don’t get along with #4s. Today I woke up thinking that maybe I could hear his ringing my intercom the way he did so I knew it was him downstairs.

Music has been my blessing and my curse. It often distracts me from wandering into sad territory, but it also reminds me of him. “He would like this,” “I saw this with him,” my mind often thinks. Trying to make sense, over-thinking about it, it seems destiny has been sending me signals throughout the year. First through a Chinese Horoscope scare, and other little bits and pieces of mementos.

Father and daughter movies, songs being played at key moments and words left as token of peacefulness. The day before my father passed away, when he was in good spirits and I was visiting him, he said he had led a good life and that if he had to go, he could go tranquil. I didn’t know then that I wasn’t going to be able to give him a mix of his favorite group [1] to accompany in his hospital stay.

After my uneasiness started that day, I looked up at the sky and told my dad that if he had to let go, he could. Fifteen minutes later, I was informed of his cardiac arrest. It wasn’t more than 20min in the trauma room, when I knew that he’d decided to let go.

Luck will have it that I didn’t get to watch Talaash until after my father passed.

I feel the need to over-share so I don’t wallow in self-pity.

My Dad’s Mayday Playlist

October 6, 2013 — 1 Comment

For the past year, my dad had become a really big Mayday fan. I think this happened right after watching the concert film Mayday 3DNA, he used to show it to his friends and carry the film as well as their discography on his USB ALL THE FREAKING TIME. When I retrieved his USB, he had the discography on.

So… as a means to remember him, I made a short playlist with some of their songs.

  1. 時光機 (Shi Guang Ji) – Time Machine
  2. 我們 (時時刻刻) (Wo Men (Shi Shi Ke Ke)) – Us/Moment by Moment
  3. 倔強 (Jue Jiang) – Stubborn
  4. 知足 (Zhi Zu) – Contentment
  5. 戀愛ING (Lian Ai-I-N-G) – Love-I-N-G
  6. 盛夏光年 (Sheng Xia Guang Nian) – Eternal Summer
  7. 擁抱 (Yong Bao) – Embrace
  8. 為愛而生 (Wei Ai Er Sheng) – Born to Love
  9. 離開地球表面 (Li Kai Di Qiu Biao Mian) – Leaving the Surface of the Earth
  10. 乾杯 (Gan Bei) – Cheers

I’m a little bit sad I have no one else to share this with. I think my dad would’ve loved seeing this clip of BiBi and Chris Lee together after all these years. It’s all gonna be so weird now, I have no one to share all my music with.

More info here.

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